I've started noticing something about myself lately.
No matter what I'm doing, whether playing cricket, dancing at any event, or leading a team at work, my mind is quietly looking for validation.
When I'm on the field, it's not just about the game. Somewhere in between the runs and the catches, I'm checking if the team noticed the effort.
When I'm dancing, I pretend I'm just enjoying myself, but my eyes still scan the room. Who's watching? Who's smiling?
Even at work, in leadership roles, after putting in thought and effort, there's a small pause inside me... waiting. Hoping for a sign that it was enough.
I don't think this makes me insecure. I think it makes me human.
Most of us don't talk about this, but we all do it in some way. We look for reactions. For acknowledgment. For reassurance that we're doing okay.
The strange part is how silence affects us.
When appreciation comes, it feels light. Motivating. Almost calming.
But when it doesn't, the mind fills the gap on its own.
Maybe I wasn't good enough.
Maybe they expected more.
Maybe I misread the moment.
None of this is said out loud, but it's there.
What I'm slowly realising is that validation is unreliable. It depends on people's moods, priorities, timing, things completely outside our control.
And if my sense of worth keeps depending on it, I'll always be waiting.
So I'm trying something new. Not perfectly. Just consciously.
I'm learning to pause and ask myself: Did I show up honestly? Did I give my best with the intent I had? If the answer is yes, maybe that has to be enough, at least for that moment. Because maybe the real work isn't about doing better for applause, but about being okay even when no one claps.
Note: Huge thanks to ChatGPT for helping me organize my messy thoughts into something coherent. The ideas and feelings are mine, but the clarity? That's AI doing its thing.